a "Proper Golfer"

What makes a Proper Golfer? Why even ask?


I ask because it's common, when asking an acquaintance or colleague if they're golfers, to get the reply "well, I play golf, or try to, but I wouldn't call myself a proper golfer" or a variation of it ("I'm just a hacker"- Fred Greene, the enthusiastic host of the wonderful Golf Smarter podcast, often refers to himself as this, and in fact had one guest really put him on the spot about it). Why do we do it? I say we, because until recently I also found myself qualifying my own golf with similar disclaimers. What benefits do we get from speaking about something we enjoy (in my case it's even stronger than this, I've often found myself referring to golf as "my last great passion in life") in such downbeat terms?


It may have something to do with our fear of other's judgement. What if we tell others we golf, and then we find ourselves on the tee with a 4 handicap? We imagine that they will become infuriated by our mishits and slices and lost balls, rather than being encouraging and helpful. It seems normal for golfers to identify more with their failures than with their successes, and it's easy in golf to focus on our poor shots, 3 putts and other assorted disappointments.


Why do we fear the judgement of others? Putting myself in the position of a 4 handicapper, if I were asking a friend or colleague about golf, it'd be because I'd be interested in talking about a shared interest or even passion, and perhaps playing together. Would I not want to talk about golf with a friend who played off 26? Would I feel horrified if I realised I'd been close to teeing off with a colleague who (*gasp*) didn't even have a handicap?


Oh my goodness, how I pray that'd never be the case. Because I would have turned into something I couldn't look at in the mirror. In fact, if I believed there was any chance of that happening, I would stop trying to improve at golf.


I think our fear of other's judgement is protecting us from something we imagine to be a problem, but in reality it's not. Anyway, our handicap, or the range of scores we usually shoot, give a pretty accurate picture of how we are as golfers. The rest is just unhelpful (and sometimes harmful) noise. Because we don't only say what we say about ourselves, we also hear it. And how helpful is it going to be to hear us talk about ourselves in a negative fashion? I see it sometimes in my friends Tweets, or in their description of themselves in their Twitter biography (calling yourself "a really shit golfer" isn't a great idea, particularly not when you're nearing single figures in handicap terms. Not only is it unhelpful, it's frankly wholly inaccurate!). The ever-challenging and thought provoking Andy Morrison (@amgolfmindcoach) refers to this as the "smiling assassin". I refer to myself as an "improving golfer" in my bio. This isn't inaccurate, and it re-frames a potentially harmful self-view into a positive one that is achievable (& non delusional). I also try on here to first focus on the positives, listing a number of these before going on to one or at most two things I'm less keen on, but listing these as things to improve, and crucially suggesting a strategy that I'm going to follow to achieve this.


So why am I, a 26 handicapper who's trying to break 90, confident enough to say all of this? It's not because of all the golf psychology and mental game books that I've read- they were enough for me to know to express things positively, but that knowledge is a long way from the confidence to declare myself a "proper golfer". I even found myself wondering if I should post my scores on Twitter, whether my golfing friends on there would think less of me or even stop talking to me about golf if they found out what I scored. Of course, there's nothing in that apart from my paranoia. They weren't even put off by my disastrous 116 in the first round of the Murray Cup.


It was the kindness of comparative strangers that's given me the confidence to not only write all of the above, but to allow myself to acknowledge that I, the Golf Geek, am a Proper Golfer. First the wonderfully supportive John Graham (he of the helpful comments in my comments section, his thought-provoking blog on all things golf ("golf information you can really use") should be on your reading list), when suggesting that others should follow me on Twitter (on #FollowFriday), described me as "another real golfer", and more recently Michael Landgrebe of Confident Golf described me (again on #FollowFriday) as "a fellow journeyman on the path to mastery". After I got over my initial "they can't have seen my scores" nonsense, I realised they must see me as they said. Although both men are supportive and helpful, neither are the type to "blow smoke" or to say things they don't mean. If they hadn't thought that were true, they'd have found something else to say.


Why am I saying this? Well, my intention is not to brag that two influential golf coaches see this geek as a proper golfer. It's more to point out that if I, a fairly recent convert to the game, can be seen in this way perhaps just perhaps more than a few others could be encouraged to "come out" as proper golfers. Cast off the shackles of self oppression and see the possibilities.


So what is a proper golfer? For me, it's someone who loves the game, and is committed to the quest of doing whatever they can to improve within the limits set by life, and committed to learning all of the lessons taught along the way. If we're on that path, what does it matter how far along the road we get? The journey is what matters, much more than the eventual destination. Care to take a few steps along the road with me and see where we end up?